My Life with AID's

Life with AID's

Hey Guy's on this page you are gonna have to forgive me. I want to include this page so bad in this site because it is true I am classified as full blown AID's and what exactly does that mean is beyond me. I found a page (below is a link) I somewhat aggree with this fellow. But I also question the therepies. So at this time I am gonna think about this page a little more.

I found this Page on Aol created by someone I dont even know by clicking here you will know the reason for some of my views.

My story is just one of a many million, I am not a certified Doctor nor have I ever practiced medicine as a profession. I am just an average Joe living in the United States with AID's. What I include on this page is not advice, for the best advice contact someone you know and trust with your health condition.

Drugs for HIV:
Myth or Truth, I often wonder since my diagnoses of HIV in 1994 if I should have ever started the drugs or is it the drugs that has led me in the path of AID's. While I admit since starting the drugs they have saved my life, and if it weren't for the many cocktails out there I would not be here today. But I am not sure where I would be without the drugs would I be better off and still alive that is a question I can't answer since I am not GOD, There are many downsides to the HIV drugs, they are not all that wonderful and if you consider just taking the drugs on a regular schedule a downside you have many things to learn. Taking the drugs on a regular schedule for me has been the easy part. The hard part is getting pancrietitas 12 times in one year, getting steroid overdose and being out of my mind for three months, losing the sex drive weight loss and overall looking unhealthy, Having constant upset stomach, going into a seizure and being carried out of my families home in a body bag, losing more then one job during my working career because I was ill from the drugs. Having the insurance company question every prescription and why I need it, Coming up with high co-pays for prescriptions, not knowing how I would afford the co-pay unless I am able to return to work. And the nightmare goes on. The Doctor's like to believe as well as the Government that we have HIV/AID's under control and that it is a manageable disease, well from where I sit it is anything but manageable. You grow resistance to the drugs after your body has fought them in your system to begin with. The drugs are very costly, and while there is assistance out there, there is lots of questions and paper work to go with that assistance and I am not sure about you but as I am laying sick in bed I don't want forms to sign and I hate writing my story for them as I am living it. I am a firm believer once you start the drugs that you can never quit, it is unlike an addiction but yet similar to an addiction, your body is addicted to the drugs they offer and can no longer function on it's own. My theory which I am not a Doctor is once you take the drugs your body gets use to not having to heal itself and having the drugs as a helping hand, once you give a handout repeatedly to anything living how often have you seen that thing start working hard enough to take care of itself. I believe our bodies are no different. My recommendation and again I am not a doctor, is if you have never touched an AID's prescription wait it out as long as you possibly can see if maybe it really is the drugs that cause AID's. I am a very skeptical type person I trust hardly no one and I don't trust the Government at all, I am a democrat but I don't even trust the men and woman I vote for I just realize they are the better of the two evils I could vote for, I would not put it past our Government for deliberately trying to kill off people with HIV, I mean look at it who are the most of HIV positive type people in the US, they are either gay, drug users, prostitutes, transfusions victims, all of which aren't the number ones on the Government list to run for the President. We are the weak holding them back as far as they can see. Little do they know without the weak the strong cannot survive. It takes a good balance to make up a whole and keep it level.

Social Security/Disabilty/Assistance

In this subject I will discuss my personal experiences, just because I have encountered the system in this way, doesn't mean you will. This is just my personal story.

I first became diagnosed with having HIV on April 4, 1994, after having been sick several months the doctors suggested I take the HIV test, at the time I was out of work three months due to illness after illness, from my studies I thought I just had what they called chronic fatigue syndrome. Well, the positive results came back and back in 1994 in Denver Colorado anyone as ill as I had been wasn't expected to live very long, they were very quick to get applications in for disability. I was no exception to the rule. By May 1, my application was in the office of SSI for permanent disability. I continued to see the doctors under the Ryan White fund for the next seven months, I began all the available drugs and was seeing a psychiatrist twice a week. By the end of December in 94 I began to feel more in control of my life with HIV and decided I enjoyed work and supporting myself more then I could ever enjoy sitting at home, I called SSI and asked them to put a STOP on my claim, they advised me I was approve just days before and then they suggested I return to work and still collect their payments for the next 12 months if I became sick within that twelve months I would just start re-collecting disability. I agreed having had my bank account drained all my personal contacts were drained, family couldn't help anymore, this would be the best way. Well I continued to work until the winter of 1997 when I once again became ill, I called SSI pleading to be put back on, they replied I would need to start all over again and wait out the six moths, now having car insurance and a brand new car and rent and not wanting to return to borrowing from everyone I knew I was determined to return to work and not wait the six months again. It was a rough winter where I lost two or three months of employment, but I made ends meet and started feeling better again in Spring of 98, this course repeated itself for the next two years, finally in March of 2000 I was hospitalized for the third time in 2000, and the doctor insisted I accept permanent disability. I finally knew I was beaten and accepted. Having been with my Partner for three years at this point, I had new resources I could lean on, he and I moved 1000 miles away to a small town called Effingham in Illinois, to live with his Mom, this helped ends meet and enabled me to keep the necessary bill's up to date. I am finally approved for disability once again in October 2000, Life with my partners Mom was good except the commute to the nearest doctor was too much, 110 miles one way from Effingham to St.Louis where I received care. So after learning I had a tumor of some sort on my cerebellum which is part of the brain we decide to move once again this time to St.Louis. After the move my health once again improved and the swelling of the tumor came down. We will spend the next year in St.Louis, both of us feeling very desperate and the need to have a normal life back a place where everyone knows our name and we aren't just a number. We decided to move closer to my family in New Jersey, but how could we afford the State of New Jersey and not burden my family. This is when we checked into HUD Homes yea right two men without jobs and with what some call a death sentence waiting to happen, this was a short lived dream. So then we look into what they call Section 8, neither of us has had good experiences dealing with anything Government run so we quickly decide against this, where there is a will we will find a way determined to do the move, I travel back in February of 2002 alone by car with my dog, this is when I discover a new world, a world of trailer homes. By June 15, 2002 Michael and I are closing on an affordable three bed room trailer home just eight miles from my family.
Now I included this story for many reasons one main reason is, so many people think Gays on the system living with HIV are living the high life, we get up in our cottage homes go to our elaborate gym's workout then go to happy hour at the local gay bar in our new Lincoln town car, eating dinner at expansive places, partying all night. Well this isn't the case for your average George and Michael down the street. We have sacrificed a lot to survive, we have adapted, we have taken what was available when it was available, we haven't taken more then we need if anything we have taken less then what we should have received. Yes we own a Trailer Home and a car, but by owning this trailer home we save the Government on paying our Section eight rent and rent in Jersey can be as low as 800 and as high as 2000, we own a car it is a 1986 Nissan Pulsar that we purchased after moving here, we also own a 96 Geo Metro that George bought brand new in 1997 this car has traveled across the US more times then most over the road truckers this car is on it's last wheel. The system is out there for you or I to use, but in order to use this system you must have a place to live which you don't own, you must have shut off notices on any bill you need help with, you must fill out many forms and drive all over the state to get the forms and make meeting, You have to supply witnesses to your poverty, Now let me ask you does this really sound worth it to you. I didn't think so. So before you think there is a system out there that will help you when you fall think again. The only way that system helps you is if you have nothing and you are not willing to do a darn thing for yourself. In order to wake up in the morning and feel the urge to live another day I must be able to help myself. Maybe you are different but I wouldn't think so. So forget any assistance available. Where there is a will you will find a way. Life with AID's isn't an easy life, but it is my life and I'll be darned if any person or system is gonna take that life away.

Judge or not to Judge:

Before you judge a man, you should walk in his shoes, I am sure you have heard this before. I lived by that rule, When I met Michael I had many bar acquaintances and some friends, I would say nine out of ten people told me not to date Michael, they would say he is not doing anything with his life, he will only hold you back,etc etc.
Michael was already on Disability when I met him and while this was a bit of a concern, I looked back on the last several guys I almost got involved with, ones that could not support themselves by any means Government assistance or not. Ones that were just looking for a hook up to get in out of the cold or to get a shower. At least with this one I felt secure in knowing he could and would take care of his self and not depend on me to support him. As the previous few guys had. I will give you one example of a guy I dated before Michael, I was in Denver CO and David (which isn't his real name) came across the bar room floor back to the Country Store I ran in the bar he was a young attractive man with a great personality, but of course with a bad luck story, I talked it over with my room mate and we all agreed David could move in and share my living area. David didn't work said he couldn't get a job, I fell for David's every lie, at some point I think I was almost in love with David, we my room mate and I started noticing money missing, I am a spender when I have it I use it so I could never decide i I was just imagining it, my room mate on the other hand knew where every penny he had went, he was without a doubt missing money. We confront David and he admits yes he has been borrowing money without asking, his reasoning was the money wasn't being used by us so he could use it for his on use. He shows no remorse and no apology, I return to my room mate his missing money out of my money and ask David not to borrow anymore without asking, giving him a 2nd chance well this doesn't last long because once a thief always a thief. David is then escorted out of our home and asked not to return. This is just one of the many types I dated before Michael, the name was changed for obvious reasons is I don't like to cause hard feeling. But the story is exact as it was. So yes Michael was on disability but at least he would not be borrowing funds without asking. Little did I realize in 97 that someday real soon I would be in the same boat as Michael the person everyone I knew was judging. I wonder what they would say about me today.
It isn't easy having HIV much less having AID's, it isn't easy making ends meet on Disability don't make it harder for people by judging them just be grateful they aren't using you personally.